Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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