No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
