There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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