Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
