as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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