Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
