a search helicopter?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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