You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
