we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
