my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
