hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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