I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm both gender and math confused
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize