Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
