Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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