brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
