is your mom at the bar?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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