dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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