We need to rekindle our bromance
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
