do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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