she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
