I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
