I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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