well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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