My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A bitchslap is in order.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
