my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
