Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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