Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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