You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
