I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
