we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
