apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
