worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
