Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
