Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
