i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
