Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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