I'm sorry my penis didn't work
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
