i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
