Your dad touched me again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
