college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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