Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize