guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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