My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
