are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
