Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Small penises have feelings too.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
