At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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