i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
