My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
