i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
