so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
