i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
