I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
