to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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