It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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