did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
