He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
