i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
