Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
