its not stalking. its research.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
