Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
