Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
