Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
