you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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