what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
