YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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