he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
