What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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