I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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