Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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